To the Bill Collectors

Leave me alone. I have maybe six dollars in my account, what do you want from me? My fat check has not come through yet and until then I am subsisting on yogurt, granola crumbs, Jelly Bellies, cigarettes and Diet Coke. If you want me to make a payment, how about you stop calling my cell phone and making THAT bill larger by eating my minutes, thus more money can be available for your sorry ass? Soon this won't be a problem, since my phone is sure to get cut off soon for non payment.

I'm fine. I'll be fine.

Fuck.