picture update

First off, pictures of us all at Cameron's show. I love these, they crack me up.






And then we had snow, and we built an igloo outside out door. We now have a complete snow wall.







FUN STUFF!

I'M HERE

I know I told you I was living it and not writing it up... now i'm writing it up.

how long ago was my last thorough update? a month? okay so then i guess here's whats new since then:

i've finished most of my work for my courses. my last paper for french was due today, we'll see how that grade works out. there's still some stuff to do before crit on thursday, and i need to install it on wednesday night, but other than that, i like to think im sitting pretty good for everything to be turned in.

i've been dealing with a lot of roommate issues. oh my god, just now when i typed roommate, i actually started writing the word 'girlfriend'. fuck. she is so overbearing, guys, it feels like i have a girlfriend or a wife or something. (ew, btw) she just doesn't let up. i've had some conversations with a few of you that are close to me, but i cant really put into words how bad things have been. there is a new example everyday because it happens. every. day.
i just starting writing, and had an entire paragraph about what happened today with her giving me a ride and safeway... but i deleted it, because it just feels so beneath me to care about it. same shit, different day. i let myself get bullied. and i give her too much power.

so ive been making some work, and have come up with an idea for my thesis show from a bitchy comment made by my sister... she said to me about my latest painting, "ew, it looks like a Target painting." little did she know it was her birthday present. so it got me thinking about associations, and particularly color association. the painting is of concentric circles... in rings on teal and magenta. she sees that saturate red color and thinks of target... of course the symbols help too, but seriously. what about color themes and their associations? so i started a painting, its another geometric piece. but the color palate is green, black, white, brown, and a coffee stain. and this might stick, guys. if all goes according to what im hoping, my bfa thesis show will be a show with color association and remarkable color palates in every piece. sculptures, paintings, performances.... color will be in my thoughts and ill create accordingly. i hope. what do you guys think of this? does it interest you at all? and my titles would give hints as to the brand or memory or item i was referencing. any interest?

have you ever read something you felt like you shouldn't have? have you ever... come across these items you shouldnt read but read anyways? i have. im ashamed to say that i dont just put those things down, or walk away, or ignore the item you see with your name in it. im not talking about within the art department, i just mean in my personal life. like letters. or old diaries that belonged to my mom. or text messages because someone tells you to get something off their phone and it puts you within 2 messages of something with your name on it. am i really terrible? fuck... i hope not.

mmm i like cilantro, its delicious

what else? oh, ok, how about the news that i have gotten myself into a sitcom-esque situation? yeah. my dad bought me a car, in california. and told me he'd buy me and my driving buddy of choice one way tickets to la to get the car and drive it to olympia. i asked roomie initially because i didnt want to involve my mother and sister (ew, 23 hrs in the car w them? once was enough), and we agreed that it wouldnt work out for her. so i asked richard (this guy im seeing) if he wanted to take her place and he said yes. then he said wait, no, i think i have evals until thursday. what about thursday? and i said ok, thats still earlier than saturday. so then roomie tells me that shes available for friday and she went and told her parents that we'd need a ride to the airport friday night. so now im double booked. and im too big of a pussy to tell roomie im going with richard, she'll think 'hey! bros before hos!' and if i tell richard im going with roomie and not him he'll think 'but i thought she was feeling bullying and annoyed by her roomie? what the hell?'
oh hell, i dont know what im going to do


i guess thats it for now guys. let me know if you want to know something else you think i might have left out. ill update later
its frustrating, i dont know what to do.

i didn't give up. i just have been living it instead of writing it all down.

ill be back shortly. i hope you are all waiting eagerly... yeah right, ha.

gnochi is a weird thing to say/type. whoa.

oh man

art as less than a career

i'm catching up on everyone's blogs and i became sad. not particularly with the dr, but with everyone in general that changes their major, drops, or feels too much pressure to fit a certain mold to continue with being an artist. moreover, i hear more and more of people who are choosing to make art more of a hobby than a lifestyle.

it's hard to be an artist and of course, it's more than likely that only 5% of us, if not less, may actually succeed in the art world (which of course depends on your definition of 'success', but that's another topic). but for me, the scary-ness of being a BFA (and eventually, MFA) and trying to get my work out into the world pales in comparison to the thought of not doing what i love for the rest of my life. i don't know, maybe that's a little dramatic. i mean, you can make art in your free time and not dedicate your whole life to it. but i choose to make it my life because nothing makes me happier. finishing a project gives me a rush i can't find anywhere else. not even from sex. kidding. sort of.

anyways. just a thought. i notice some friends that got their BFA's and pumped out so much work when they were here, but now that they've graduated, have hit that wall that, I'm sure, everyone does after getting a liberal arts degree. and it scares the shit out of me. and i have no financial support from my parents so i have even more pressure to succeed when i graduate than the average undergrad. but that's life, right? it's scary and it's big and it's new and who knows what i'll do. but it's something that can also be really amazing

socks the cat

tomorrow starts an experiment i'm working on, with breaking the barrier between the art-making space and the living and breathing and relaxing space. i plan on documenting it with photos and a written daily account of my experiences. it'll be interesting, and i hope it goes well.
it will likely be the last major endeavor before my final project. we'll see how this works!

we still havent turned the heat on. todays the first official VERY VERY COLD day. i did a bunch of laundry so the dryer would run and heat the apartment. it's... lame. i hate that bill.

my dad sent me socks in the mail, and he called and left a voicemail to notify me by saying, "here's a riddle, what was the name of the clinton family's cat?" and as i was listening, i said quietly "socks... he sent me socks?!" he did send me socks. 12 pairs.

i've quietly sat back for the majority of our sculpture class, watching people come check in with nik, then leave to go home and back to bed. it's pissing me off, yo. i know of the idea 'worry about yourself', but jesus christ, if we don't have the community that, you would think, comes with an upper division sculpture class, we're being cheated! it's lame. i feel like this class has become really detached, aside from our occasional crits together. maybe it's partly my fault for working in my studio. maybe it's not having the classroom to ourselves, the way we've had in the past. or maybe people just stopped caring. i'm getting the most from my experiences, so i guess good for me, but i pity the people that are taking intermediate/advanced for the first time and don't realize what a good communal art-making spirited group they could be a part of.

lastly. i was pretty pissed today. i let myself get taken advantage of pretty easily sometimes. i don't like to be dis-liked, so i make an effort to be polite and sympathetic, sometimes when i really don't care at all. i also hate dealing with yelling and confrontation, probably as a result of living in a 'yelling' family (you know, the kind where every person is trying to yell over the other?). so. as a result, sometimes i get so... PISSED! and feel like there's nothing i can do about it because, you know, i don't want to be mean. or a bitch. so i ignore and ignore and let the annoyance just pick at me over and over again. i'd change. but change is so hard...

drinking a pot of coffee tastes like chlorine and makes my teeth clack

after going home this weekend and watching my sister get ready in the morning, i feel like a sloppy hippie. don't get me wrong, i'm a daily shower-er. i wear clean, simple clothes every day and i smell relatively pleasant. however, i don't wear a layer of make-up. i don't curl my hair or use product, and often i don't even blow-dry my hair. sometimes i wear socks and sometimes i don't, and i especially don't wear a matching piece of jewelery. i haven't had a professional haircut in over 3 years (every hair cut has been DIY, thank you very much!). i don't get my nails done. what would be the point, they'd be wrecked in a matter of hours... and so i come back to my apartment in pullman contemplative...
how would my life differ if i gave a shit about the sort of things my little sister does? if i used a curling iron and a wand of mascara every morning, would i....? the fact that i'm single isn't what i mean, either. i mean would i be more successful? would more people approach me? would less? ... what sort of judgements would people make when seeing me, as opposed to what they feel now?

just a thought.

an update:

http://pullman.craigslist.org/mis/897738866.html




and i thought my anger was better than a craigslist ad... i guess i was wrong.

Going Home

I went home to Olympia this weekend, and I have regrets. It was a good trip for the first couple days, but I spent time with people I shouldn't have given the time of day to, and as a result, am feeling resentful of going. Whatever, I'm not going to let random assholes affect me from here on. It's ridiculous, the circles you get yourself into when you're expecting one thing, are proven something different, and it just keeps happening over and over again.

I don't wanna talk about. Why am I posting this? I don't want to talk about it. DONE!

In other news, my flight attendant made me cry on the flight back. He looked just like Tim Gunn and he yelled at me, singled me out on the plane and scolded me like a child while I was choking up with tears streaming down my face. Apparently, it's not okay to put your bag under your seat and not above you. And I should have listened to him and not wasted the entire flight's time and should have known to simply take my laptop out of my suitcase and then stuff the suitcase above me. And I was "behaving like a selfish six year old." I didn't say a word to this guy, throughout the ordeal. Being a pushover and not standing up for myself is starting to wear on me, and clearly this incident was my fault for not telling Tim Gunn how it really was.

I told my roommate as I got picked up from the airport and climbed into the car, and started crying again just re-telling the story. She says, "Tim Gunn did you DIRTY! What an asshole Tim Gunn is!"

Tim Gunn, why did you lead me astray? I thought you were a kind man who looked at me through those rimless glasses with compassion, but you're really just a big douche bag that makes girls cry, aren't you? At least I got a comment card from Horizon Air, and I plan to fill that fucker out promptly, you dick!

i've taken an 8 day hiatus, and it has resulted in me pumping out work by the bundles... i find myself in the fine arts building from 9 am to 1130 pm, and it's good stuff. my work ethic is improving, but more exciting, i'm thinking of new ideas faster than i can make them.


issues of importance:

-my roommate's cats are named Marley and Nester. Bob Marley's full name was Robert Nesta Marley...
-i'm leaving for home this weekend, for the first time since i got here on august 15th
-john mccain has gold fillings that are quite noticeable when he's laughing like the cocky POS he is.
-my sleeves are too short but my pants are too long
-boxed wine makes me ill (SHOCKER!)
-my right armpit will smell more than my left
-i JUST found out that my roommate and i both have secret childhood blankey-s!
-my fourth toe is longer than my third

saaaad panda.

the fact that very few people still blog makes me a sad panda.

someone please say something. 

friday.

i have been festive today. i celebrated fall with pumpkin carving, pumpkin muffins, and spiked cider. i finally get why old people are so traditional: "thank god for the holidays, how many more excuses do we need to drink? "
i don't know if i typed what i meant right, but i think it's the best wording i could think of...

...what's wrong with that sentence?

anyway. UFC is on, it's been off for a good week. it's back. like a zombie.
barack's pumpkin chin just fell off. i hope this isn't a sign.
we worked on a puzzle of Klimt's work today. woke up at 9, both skipped classes, i went to work, came back home and we worked on the puzzle. i got the 2/3's of the border done, i'm so proud.
fuck.

GUYS! i got my degree audit today and not only can i graduate next semester as hoped, but i will only have 11 required credits! so i get to take fun stuff WAHOO FOR WAMU!

everyone should take random road trips with random people once in awhile. it's got a soundtrack.

ive been all day without my vision correction... risky business. good thing i never drove...

things are interesting these days. some family trouble. we'll see how it all plays out... having divorced parents that are exact opposites is like living in a sitcom. it's gross people, really. down to the stereotype to: mother is a stoner, zen, hippie lady that wears tie dye dresses and is enrolled at Evergreen. father is the up tight over caffeinated republican that works 3 jobs, including his ebay business, and works 3 women, including Elizabeth, Susan, and Linda.
it's overwhelming what a caricature they are. and father wants to bring Elizabeth to my graduation, and my mother and sister refuse to come if Elizabeth comes since Elizabeth and my sister were once (wait for it) in a fist fight with each other. SO! It's been one hell of a friday.

music

do do do do DO DO DOOOO
Do da do de dooooo
do de da de do de da de dooo deeeeeeeeeea
do do
do do
doo


is in my head

Matt Stars, I miss you!

all i've done today is clean house, cut some paper, and drank a bottle of syrah.

and i didnt leave the house with the candles burning and so the house didn't burn down this weekend! SUCCESS!

PUT ON YOUR ADVENTURE HATS

ok guys, we're going on an adventure tomorrow. who's coming with us?
ROADTRIP TO NOWHERE

travel

this whole talking about going places thing has gotten me wondering, and i noticed i got an email from travelocity. they have last minute packages, called "wanna get away" fare.

for two people to travel roundtrip from spokane to LA this weekend, plus luxury hotel, is 250$ a person.
250$?! that's it?


who's coming with me? one of you out there, come on, lets go on a trip! ive got my passport, we could fly in to san diego and spend the weekend in tijuana, enjoy the last of the good weather.

I bet no one is down for joining me, but i think spontaneity is important to experience while you're still a young under grad and could do what you want to do! come on guys... someone out there. lets go on a trip!

yesterday night i ended up in lewiston...

whoa

it's so very nice out, i can't believe it. i find myself often in the passenger seat of my roommate's car, driving aimlessly to palouse and back, or moscow and back (taking the back route), enjoying the sun, windows all down, screaming 90's music lyrics (last time it was 'counting blue cars' by dishwalla). then we get home and start chain smoking, and sipping on rum and cokes from our weird vintage special glasses we bought from palouse treasures that were particularly for rum and cokes and walking around with a glass in our hands.

it's clearly still summer, and it's what makes these hard weeks of low income, lots of work, being overloaded with midterms, crits, and impossible anth tests bearable. I do my work, I'm becoming a robot of getting shit done, but i can still relax and feel the ease of summer. it's once things get cold that things may start to suck, but I'm glad i'm doing these things. I'm glad I have things to do. Keeping as busy as I am means I have less time to sit around my house, and that means I'm being productive, staying a healthy weight, and not having time to get sad or depressed about... whatever.

this was kind of personal, hope that doesn't make you guys uncomfortable.

getting shit done

This week is crazy. I'm getting done things that have been put off for months. For that, I apologize for the lack of updates. I am mentally drained. I need a day off! 

skirt season is almost over. the weather is going to start to turn and we will stop seeing bare legs. meaning sluts everywhere will feel they need to compensate for not showing their leg skin by showing more boob. therefore, one can conclude that winter is BOOB SEASON!

this year, i have noticed less losers amongst the art department. i know it sounds harsh, but what i mean is this: every semester here, i've seen one person each semester present something beer-pong related, or something that makes a reference to how much alcohol one consumes in a day/week/month/semester/year. for crits this week, i noticed not one person made a piece with booze as their content. i feel so proud of everyone for realizing there is more to life than getting fucked up and making 'art' about how wrecked they got. i feel we've all matured a bit and realized that your advanced sculpture class is not the place to build a beer pong table.

john mccain and sarah palin scare the shit out of me. recent polls have shown they have a 9 pt advantage over obama/biden. if we end up with another set of republican fucks running our country, im moving to canada. if they don't take me, anywhere in europe. if they don't take me, russia. if they won't take me........ ILL GO TO THE FREAKIN ARCTIC TUNDRA, I DON'T EVEN CARE! 

HBO films presents Autism: the Musical.   ....what the fuck? we're making musicals about disabilities now? nice...

Some guy that lives in the building I work at keeps being way overly nice to me, and brought me a red bull to wake me up. but i hate red bull and all energy drinks... i'm a black coffee/straight espresso type of person. so i have it hidden behind the desk in case he asks me how i liked it, ill feign energy and be like YEAH! THANKSSSS! and then i'll give it to my roommate when i go home.

WHAT?!

i always find eyelashes in my keyboard. i must shed.

it's been one week

you look so whimsical in that picture hahaha

i've had unreliable internet recently, hence the one week gap

new things:

father sent me 2 boxes of nutri-grain bars in the mail

my living room has 3 blankets and 9 pillows in it

my cell phone is sending messages about 3-4 hours after i write them

i have pillow marks on my face for upwards of one hour of waking up

howard is a stupid name

olympia beer may make me feel at home, but it still tastes like butt

my movies from blockbuster are overdue

they make styrofoam peanuts that are biodegradable and yet companies continue to use the non-biodegradable ones...

shit son

today i had to put on a sweater.

oh no's!!!!

does anyone actually read this besides nik?

my father sent me a book in the mail today about the JFK 'assassination'

it's called 'Conspiracy of Silence'

when he left the voicemail, he told me this and also some news about someone's private art collection having a dozen pieces stolen from his home yesterday, including a Marc Chagall

he ended it with saying, 'that's all. bye babe'

i'm convinced he forgot who he was talking to halfway through the voicemail and called me 'babe' as a force of habit. he calls all his girlfriends 'babe' so he doesn't call them the wrong name (he has 3 girlfriends, Susan, Linda and Elizabeth, none of which know about the other)

...and he called me babe....

so disgusting

MY IDEA

I'VE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!

cats are fighting

two cats fighting=sibling rivalry

three cats fighting=ass kicking

FUCK SHIT FUCK

fuck, i am clueless of what to make and its already the end of week 2.


SHIT

stuff

i never wrote my favorites so i'll do it now

Favorite book: Cunt
Favorite movie: A Clockwork Orange
Favorite album: Murder Ballads (Nick Cave)
Favorite song: Time (Pink Floyd)
Favorite story: i really want to tell my favorite story but i know it isn't school-appropriate, especially since nik knows very well who i am. so heres the warning nik: don't read this if you don't want to hear about my illegal activities in mexico over the summer.










the story of this summer, where me and my stepsister were in puerto vallarta looking to buy a sack and found two mexican boys (we found out later they were stepbrothers, same age difference as us!) building stone sculptures.
they didn't speak more than 2 words of english, but we were able to communicate what we were looking for. we walked through the main street, just kept going straight down the road, past the beach. they led us up this path where no tourists were (i had a knife on me in case they were gonna jump us). we went up, climbing rocks. trees on either side of us. we got to the top and it was just this huge cliff with no one around, rocks to sit on, looking down over the whole city and ocean.
then we rolled a joint with our newly purchased bag, all the while trying to teach the two brothers english curse words, while they taught us spanish swear words. (kind of hard since they didnt understand ANY english and we only knew things like 'gracias' and 'por favor' and of course, 'mojta' [weed].) we traded lighters so we'd have something to remember the others by. after we smoked, we walked back down into town, gave our new friends hugs goodbye, and got back on our cruise ship. father and stepmother never knew what happened, we just told them we made some new friends.

here are the pictures, minus the one of me, stepsister, and the brothers all together (for anonymity reasons).
the rock sculptures/balancing act. no glue or fasteners, these guys just balanced them right on top the others!
this is the view from the cliff we were taken to. pretty amazing.
last but not least, the brothers we smoked with. this is the only proof i have that this incident actually happened. we never got their names either.

Cats like cereal.

Wednesday, September 3
Today my anth. prof had his hair parted on the same side as me.

To the Bill Collectors

Leave me alone. I have maybe six dollars in my account, what do you want from me? My fat check has not come through yet and until then I am subsisting on yogurt, granola crumbs, Jelly Bellies, cigarettes and Diet Coke. If you want me to make a payment, how about you stop calling my cell phone and making THAT bill larger by eating my minutes, thus more money can be available for your sorry ass? Soon this won't be a problem, since my phone is sure to get cut off soon for non payment.

I'm fine. I'll be fine.

Fuck.

observations as of late

Thursday, August 28th

The floor in the undergrad studio is a rust color, and my feet leave marks on my couch in a light brown color.

Friday, August 29th

I was called twice today by Macy's. They want money, but I ignored the call.

Saturday, August 30th

I woke up at 12 today with my touch-sensitive light on. I must have kicked it in my sleep.

Sunday, August 31st

There are 16 hot dogs ready to cook, and 18 buns.

Monday, September 1st

I was called three times by Macy's today, wanting their payment for 47$. 

Tuesday, September 2nd

Today was the first day in nearly two weeks that I haven't been called by Macy's. Yet.

test again

Technology and Women

This whole inter-web thing is very strange to me... I don't understand modern man at all. Why have such tacky, analog clocks? Can people not tell time with classy arrows? Furthermore, I see no appeal in the size 0 Paris Hilton. In my day, I liked girls that were a size 10. Hot... 

Things I have noticed:

Monday, August 25: Today the bus had 65 people on it, 10 under the max capacity.

Tuesday, August 26: There is a caps-lock on this laptop. (There was definitely not caps-lock on my typewriter!)

Wednesday, August 27th: Today the bus had 72 on it, 3 under the max capacity.

First Post

At last, my blog is complete.